Self-Destruction

After making love you would quickly say good-bye. 

You hurt me so… I often wonder why

I’m in love with you still.

 

All the lonely nights I couldn’t sleep…

all the promises you couldn’t keep.

I’ve fallen and I’m falling deeper

in love with you still.

 

All the happiness we used to share…

how can you say you no longer care

if I’m in love with you still?

 

Too many times I have forgiven you

for all those nights you beat me black and blue.

One thing I know for sure is true:

I’m in love with you still.

 

You raped me and you stole my pride.

Said you’d kill me if I left your side,

or even worse- you’d commit suicide.

So I’m loving you still.

 

All the pregnancies you made me kill.

Lied by saying they weren’t in God’s will.

To keep the peace I got on the Pill,

so you would love me still.

 

So many tears I cried so silently…

How can one man behave so violently?

And what’s my problem? I’ve got a Law Degree!

But I’m loving you still.

 

How can one man be so very cruel?

All my friends tell me I’m a fool

for loving you still.

 

I can’t just turn and walk away.

Too many kids… too many bills to pay.

My mom asks why and all I can say

is that I’m in love with you still.

 

Where is the man who used to wine and dine?

The one I was so proud to call all mine?

We’ll get it right, we’ll gain it back in time.

‘Cause I’m loving you still.

 

Things aren’t that bad, I’ve convinced myself.

At least you’re not leaving me for someone else.

So I’m loving you still.

 

Your buddies say I might as well be dead.

Wish they would get it in their heads:

things will improve once we are wed.

‘Cause I’m loving you still.

 

You didn’t mean to give me that black eye.

You didn’t mean it ’cause I saw you cry.

You were drunk- that was your alibi.

You know I’m gonna love you still.

 

What ever happened to my self-esteem?

I’ve grown accustomed to this sick routine.

You’re the most pitiful man I’ve ever seen.

But I’m in love with you still.

 

If you can identify with this woman in any way, it’s not too late to get help! Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or log onto http://www.thehotline.org. Advocates are available 24/7. Anonymous and confidential.

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