Tag Archives: Love and Relationships

Relationships, Friends and Split Ends

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Dear Stressed and Stranded,

Don’t you just love a fresh hair cut? Everything about it is wonderful: it curls better, hair looks healthier and shinier, the style lasts longer, etc. Just makes me smile! And you know what can easily turn that smile upside-down? A split end. Oh, I absolutely despise those little critters! They’re like little leeches, sucking the life out of a sharp hairstyle. I hate them with a passion!

I have naturally curly hair which apparently predisposes me to disobedient strands that may split as my hair grows longer. Boo!!! So, I’m at that point where I just want to cut off all my hair and start all over again. But I keep punking out. I finally started letting my hair grow back after wearing it short for 7-8 years, and now I’m ready to cut it off again? And why am I so hesitant to let it go? It’s just hair. I’ve had it long and I’ve also worn it very short. What’s my hold up this time? Well, all this talk about long hair and split ends somehow got me thinking about relationships (I know, I cook up the strangest correlations sometimes. Sue me! Lol). Hence the reason for this here blog post. Some friendships and relationships are just like split ends. And we hold on to them anyway for a number of reasons/excuses…

Winter is Coming

Because I get cold very easily, I enjoy having a little extra protection on my neck in the Winter. I can tuck my hair in the collar of my shirt and then wrap a scarf around my neck to lock in the warmth. Why would someone want to cut off all that comfort and protection when Winter is coming? Who cares if some of the hair is split or damaged? Likewise, many individuals will hang on to a bad relationship simply because Winter is on the way. They love the comfort of a warm body- even if the relationship is damaged. So they stay stranded in a stressed out relationship. If they can just make it through the cold, snow and ice, they’ll let it go when the season changes. Or so they tell themselves.

Too Much Time Invested

Ever envy someone with really long hair and then when you get up close you see how jacked up it is? It’s dry, brittle and lifeless. The split ends have split ends! Oh, but at least it’s long! Ooh, that’s so not cute, is it? It’s also not too cute to know someone is holding on to a terrible friendship or staying in a bad relationship just because they’ve been in it for so long. They have so much time invested they just can’t imagine cutting their losses now. Maybe it’ll get better…? NOT!

I Can “Fix” It

This may be the worst excuse of all. Split ends (or trichoptilosis, if you want to be technical) are typically caused by an excess of heat, stress, and styling. No matter how much you try to smooth them out, seal them together, straighten or curl them, they just don’t go away. In fact, the split just grows higher up the hair shaft until the hair eventually breaks off. The truth of the matter is, split ends are irreparable. And so it is with unhealthy relationships. Unless both parties are willing to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship and themselves, it’s not going to work. I don’t care how much you try to dress it up or sex it up, you two will end up breaking up if you both don’t deal with the root of the damage. And sometimes, even when you do deal with it, it may still make sense to let it go if it’s the only way to keep both of you healthy.

The Only Cure

So, how do you deal with split ends in your friendships and romantic relationships? You must cut off the damage. Deal with it head on. Just getting rid of the symptoms is not good enough. You have to cut off everything that is not contributing to the health of your relationship. Otherwise, one of two things will happen: either you’ll stay in a dry stressed out, broken relationship that never seems to grow, OR you’ll break up but develop a pattern of similar results in your future relationships. If you have the right tools, you can handle this on your own. But sometimes you may have to get the professionals involved- you know like getting a good hair cut. If you don’t have the right scissors, you will traumatize your tresses even more. So, be sure to get the support you need to empower you to get the job done right this time. And by all means, don’t leave God out of the equation. He created you. In fact, He has every hair on your head numbered. Trust me, He would rather you cut off all the unhealthy stuff, than have you grow into your own demise. Ladies, don’t settle for brittle and battered when you can be beautiful and bouncy! 😉

Practically Yours,

~The Practical Chick

P.S. If you are dealing with domestic violence, help is available to you! Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or log onto http://www.thehotline.org.  Advocates are available 24/7. Anonymous and confidential.

How Deep is Your Love?

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Dear Choosy Lover,

Ever been so enamored with someone that you just can’t imagine your life without them? Before the advent of text messaging and other social media, I can recall a time when two teens in love would chat on the phone in a conversation similar to this:

BOY: I love you.

GIRL: I love you, too.

BOY: I love you three!

GIRL: I love you forever!

And on, and on, and on they would go for hours. Then they’d both fall asleep on the phone because neither one of them wanted to be the first to hang up. Don’t front- you know you did it too! 😀

Remember that? That crazy love? That deep love? The type of love that would have you going to the ends of the earth just to make the other person smile? And then, at some point, something changes. Something goes wrong. The love you once knew doesn’t seem quite the same any more. What happened? Who changed? I bet God is asking the same question about some of you reading this post. How deep is your love for Him?

If you really want to know, you can simply look at your relationship towards the Church. The Church is the Body of Christ, and Christ is the head (Colossians 1:18). How can you truly love the Lord, and not love His Body? How can you accept part of Him and not all of Him? Let’s be honest- you can’t. There seems to be varying degrees of love and commitment to Christ- different relationship statuses, if you will. I have narrowed down these status levels into 4 main categories: Single-Minded, Superficial, Shacking, and Submitted. Let’s examine each, shall we?

Single-Minded

These are the folks who have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, but aren’t looking for commitment. If they join a church, it’s out of temporary guilt/emotion, rather than a deep longing to grow in the Lord. They’re dating Jesus. They come to church when it’s beneficial for them: when they’re lonely or in need of a pick-me-up, or to receive freebies (counseling, back-to-school supplies, turkey baskets at Thanksgiving, etc). These folks are your spiritual gold-diggers. They take, take, take, and rarely give anything back to God. They have no relationship with Him. Nope. They’re just dating. They enjoy occasional quickies with Jesus. Not looking for anything serious. They just want to “enjoy” Him and “have fun”.

Superficial 

You know them well- they tout the Bible (in a carrying case, of course), shout on cue, blast their favorite Gospel radio station while at work, and share their testimony everywhere they go. They’re members of a local church and some of them are even faithful in returning the tithe. They’re in what I like to call the “loopy” stage (this can last for up 2 years- which is ironically about the same time most folks tend to “fall out of love” with someone. Go figure!). They’re “in love with Jesus”. They’ll do anything for Him- until the feelings wear off or until something goes wrong. Some may call them the “Shallow Saints”. At some point, some stop putting the effort into going to church. It’s no longer a priority. Others are simply ready to jump ship at the first sign of trouble. They say things like, “I just don’t feel the same anymore. I don’t think I’m growing here. I’m not being fed. Something’s changed.” As a result, they go from one church to another (or just stop going to church altogether) until that loving feeling wears off again. Sadly, they don’t see that it’s not the church.  It’s their shady level of commitment when things aren’t going their way. They can easily be mistaken for “Super Saints” but they really just have a superficial relationship with Christ. They soon begin to proclaim,

“I don’t need to go to Church. I have the Church in my heart. I am the Church. That’s why I’m spiritual, not religious.”

(Oh, give me a break!). Their relationship status suddenly changes from “Taken” to “It’s Complicated”.

Shacking

These Saints appear to have it all together. They faithfully return the tithe and attend Service and Bible Study. They enjoy praising the Lord. They also enjoy making it a point to tell everyone else how to live their life. They think they’re doing the church a favor by being a member. They’re kind of, well, self-righteous. Shacking Saints are really good at nagging and complaining about everything in their church, but rarely do anything to contribute spiritually to its growth. Some would consider them “holier than thou”, or “deep Saints”. They’re clothed in pride, draped in judgement, and naked of repentance. Truth be told, they’re just shacking with Jesus. They attend church religiously without relationship. They’ve been playing the role for so long, they’re now comfortably stuck. A higher level of commitment would take them too far out of their comfort zone. Oh sure- they trust God… just not enough to relinquish full control of their life to Him. They’re reaping all of the physical benefits of the relationship, but none of the intimate benefits (spiritual growth). These Shacking Saints aren’t whole in Christ. He’s just their “better half”.

Submitted

These folks are truly souled out for Christ. Their relationship with Jesus extends far beyond Sunday Morning Worship Service. They don’t just follow Christ- they live for Him. They go IN during Praise and Worship. They contribute cheerfully to the expenses of the church and the relief of the poor. They engage in regular spiritual intimacy (prayer). They are true servants and disciples of Christ. They’re ministry involvement is an act of worship. Like a submitted wife to her husband, these Saints willfully submit to Jesus because He gave the ultimate sacrifice for them. Jesus is the center of their joy. Their love runs deep for Him and His anointing overflows on them. They don’t profess to be perfect; they just want God’s perfect will for their life. Fully submitted and fully committed- that’s what they are.

Sacrificed

John 3:16 is a perfect example of God’s love for us: “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Now, that’s some deep love! How deep is your love for Him? No need in lying- your track record with church is a pretty good indication, and He already knows where you stand anyway! Give Him the courtesy of keeping it real. Confess your willful disobedience. Submit to a fully committed relationship with Christ. The longer you run from His loving arms, the longer you miss out on the splendor of His Majesty in your life. He knows everything (yes, EVERYTHING) about you, and loves you nonetheless.

You have an ongoing date with Jesus. Will you show up next time? There is a well-balanced spiritual meal prepared for you each week. Your Pastor sets the table and invites you to feast on the Word of God. You can study the Bible on your own all you want, but it’s just not the same as receiving the Word from the Man or Woman of God who has been trained and anointed to give you the spiritual nourishment you need. How could you not partake in the Sacrifice that has been prepared just for you? Don’t you know your own spiritual development is dependent on it?

Jesus gave His all for you. Isn’t it about time you stopped giving Him your leftovers? Allow Him to court you. It’s time for a deeper relationship, don’t you think?

Practically Yours,

~The Practical Chick